Kwentong Bayan

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• Dahil sa paglutang ni Lozada…
• First Bug (Should Die)
• Catching up on movies I missed
• Lack of sleep may be deadly
• I Wish I ws a Punk Rocker
• Anya Palileo Victory Liner (anlabo)
• Fear Pressure (Clean Version)
• Two old friends…
• Ang bagong Wendy Valdez ng bayan
• Pinakamatinik na Networking

Ayan na, malapit na…

May 28th, 2006 by kwentongbayan

Sunday night. No. Monday morning. 12:07 am. Stuck in a lonely stinking room within the walls of the historic Intramuros, aka my workplace. This is actually, a normal occurence for me. Working on a weekend, at this hour, with salary as low as the respect and trust that I get from my superiors and colleagues. (Damn you Salazar!)
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Theme song: I wish I could go back to college. Totoo ang line na iyon sa Avenue Q. "In college you know who you are." Almost four years out of college, ngunit dapatwat subalit, wala pa ding direksyon ang buhay ko. Aimlessly going through each day, not making any mark nor significant impact on each one. At walang choice kundi magpatuloy. And in a weeks time I’ll be turning 24. I never imagined being 24.
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Last last last week sinabi ko sa sarili ko, "Ayoko nang mag-edit. Hindi na ako mag-eedit." Hindi naman ako editor talaga eh. Hindi ko pinangarap maging editor. I’m not getting paid for my work as an editor. Yet mas kinakapagod ko ang pag-eedit. Sometimes I try to salvage passion. And probably dedication. And I get to appreciate the absence of other diversion, like lovelife maybe, dahil kung meron yon I’m sure kukupalin ko trabaho ko. I’ll ditch ‘em. I’ll fak up. And would not care a damn. As most people do. Sabi ng bago naming editor, ito ang hazard ng buhay editor. Hazardous sa lovelife, sa pamilya, sa barkada, sa gimik. Hazardous sya. Period.
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Okay. So di nangyari yon sinabi ko last last week. I’m still editing. Okay, now I’m trying to salvage my inner tibak. Sinasabi ko na lang sa sarili ko na, maybe this is my "contribution" as an isko. I’m working on some lecture videos for public prosecutors for graft and corruption. Makes sense to me. At least ang trabaho ko ay hindi some commercial stint  lamang. Bitter. Take note: I’m not getting paid for working on this. (Though Im still hoping that my adorable company will do pay me) If it’s any consolation, narefresh ang aking pag-ibig sa Ethics in the civil service, na aking peborit subject nung nasa Public Ad pa ko. At para na din akong nag-law. I know what Malum Prohibitum means. Jurisprudence, statutory provisions anyone? This is for the better good ika nga. Mabuhay ang iskolar ng bayan.
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Napapalibutan ako ng mga basang damit ng driver namin. Dito na sya sa office nakatira. Dito din sya naglalaba at nagpapatuyo ng damit. Greatness. Production is not always a glamorous job as some people think. Well at least if you’re in Intramuros.
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Launching na ng mga lecture video na ginagawa ko on Tuesday. Another consolation prize ay isang invitation mula mismo sa Office of the Ombudsman (akala ko sub poena). Meaning matatapos na ang aking kalbaryo. Though not really kalbaryo. The hardwork has its rewards naman. I’m just really really tired that it overwhelms me, finishing the project with flying honors, ika nga ni Dacananay. I want to pamper myself. Pero sa sobrang pagod, I don’t think there is something that can be gratifying. Or baka antok lang ako kaya wala ako maisep. Sabi nga nila, tulog lang yan.
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Appreciation siguro. Appreciation. Aprreciation yeah. Madali akong iplease, pero mahirap ako maplease. Nothing beats the feeling na matuwa ang kliyente sa ginawa mo. AND DAMN I ALWAYS GET THIS. AS IN ALWAYS. CAPITAL A-L-WAYS. But guess what you know last night, I never get rewarded for it: always putting my best foot forward when I represent my company. PUNYETA. Mali ba ako? Ako ba ang mali? San ba ako nagkulang? Or sumobra? May nagawa ba ako, o di nagawa? Vanessa?  Bu-hu-hu.
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Sana naman may maipanalong kaso tong mga public prosecutors na to para mabawasan ang kurakot sa gobyerno. At masabi ko sa sarili ko na itz all worth it, in two thouzand zix.
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Okay, happy thoughts. Sarap ng brocolli sa Hap CHANg. Shet. Gutom na naman ako.

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Forgiven, Not Forgotten

May 25th, 2006 by kwentongbayan

This is the best lesson that I’ve learned from my father. Well, not actually learned, I just read it from my father’s journal. (Lahi namin ang mangealam ng journal ng may journal.) I don’t know if he got it somewhere or if it was his original. It said:

"A naive person never forgives; a fool forgives and forgets; a wise man forgives but never forgets."

Without my father knowing it, he had instilled in me a lesson, something that I now find sort of emotionally crippling.

Back in high school, nagkagalit kami ng kaibigan kong si Marivic because of reasons I can not remember anymore. Basta it took sobrang tagal na panahon, before kami nagkabati. At pinahirapan ko pa sya bago nya ako napaamo. She ran after me the entire afternoon sa school, wala kaming classes non gawa ng may JS prom. Kung san-san ako nagsususuot sa school, hanggang sa inakyat ko pa ang mataas at unfinished concrete gym ng school. Pero hinabol pa din nya ko.

Senior year din, nagkagalit kami ng buong barkada, and it was a couple of days yata before graduation nung "pinatawad" ko sila. Kinorner lang nila ako at wala na akong magawa dahil nagsimula na kaming mag-iyakan, realizing the times that we’ve wasted when it was our last year in high school together.

Ewan ko ba, I just find it hard to find sincerity in the word "sorry". It’s such a cliche. And people say it everyday, that I am now planning to tally how many times I hear it in one day. Kaya kapag you really really need to hear it from someone coming from a really bad situation, it comes as if without any meaning. Parang labas lagi sa ilong. Somehow kulang lagi ang sorry. Parang dapat may kasama pang iba.

Like dapat nakaluhod siguro sa munggo o kaya sa asin, sabay may nakapatong na libro sa dalawang palad…(napagawa ko na ‘to sa isang bata sa school ng tatay ko. Maldito talaga ko dati…)

Sabi ko nga sa isang nagsosorry sakin, hindi mauubos ang sorry. You can say it over and over again and mean it or not mean it, pero if it ends there without any amends from both parties, and the misdeed is repeated pa din, it’ll just be a cycle. And I think a person can only forgive so much.

Ang hirap magpatawad. Lalo na for someone na mahilig magtanim ng galit. Like me. Part of my apprehension towards easy forgiveness is the trust that’s already broken. And sometimes I feel that forgiveness is a sign of weakness. Dati kasi lagi akong kinakantyawan ng mga kaibigan ko na konting lambing lang daw sakin i give in na kaagad. Tapos the person ends screwing up again. Kahit ngayon, sinasabihan ako na masyado daw ako mabait. Kala lang nila.

I can be really mean (pa-mean. haha!). Kaya kong manikis ng tao. Sometimes it feels good. That evil kind of good. Na parang "bahala ka! Magdusa ka!", you finally see that person suffering the pangs of your anger. Kaya siguro favorite ko dati ang Marimar and that other mexican telenovela, La Dueña, because the heroine does not give up easily unless they have their sweet revenge. But vengeance is not ours. Alms, alms, give me a piece of bread. Ang labo.

How can vengeance be sweet though, if slowly it eats you up emotionally? It’s not easy baggage on one’s part din naman na you have hatred towards someone. Especially if you see the person everyday. Hindi mo sya papansinin, or if you need to talk to that person, kailangan it’s bereft of any emotion. Minsan you realize na it is such a waste of time, when in the end magpapatawad ka din naman. It is the wise thing to do. Kalakip ang clause na "you never forget".

I said that it is emotionally crippling. After all, ang mga taong ito na naghihingi ng tawad ay well, mga kaibigan mo lang naman. I guess kung hindi mo naman talaga kaanu-ano you couldn’t care a damn kung magsorry sila o hinde. Pero kung kaibigan mo o kapamilya mo sya (which means mas nakakairita, how could have they done that?), there is always that faint hope na mapapatawad mo pa din sya in the end…something you kind of want to happen…or you really want to happen. After all, mas maluwag ang pakiramdam kung wala kang kagalit.

I can clearly predict the end of every dispute I have with friends. There will always be a kiss and a make up (isang box galing Japan); or a kissing and making out. Ay, making up pala. And I never forget. Not forgetting though is something that I can not impose or demand from other people. And not forgetting does not shield me from anything that people can do to hurt me. But at least it makes every incident more familiar everytime it comes around.

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Secondary Confessions

May 19th, 2006 by kwentongbayan

I stil think that high school is the best part of my life. I had so much fun learning the most trivial and most necessary lessons in life with the other 49 students in our class, which all the teachers fondly call as "Punyeta Darwin!". DOST Sponsored ang class namin, so unlike the ‘regular’ sections, our section name is ‘in honor’ of a scientist. Sa aming batch, it was Charles Darwin, which I find very apt. His adaptation and social Darwinism theories, "survival of the fittest" kind of fits our high school story.

But as much as I have fond memories of high school, there are bleak moments that sometimes make me think…"galit kaya sakin mga kaklase ko noon?" May pagkamaldito kasi ako at some point, lalo na nung freshmen pa lang kami. At sinabi din naman sa akin ito ng iba, lalo na ng mga Sta. Cruz girls who are known for their, ehem, honesty. Hihi. At madami nga naman akong nagawa na when I think about it, I would have hated myself so much. But maybe not as much as most people hated Ricardo then. At karamihan sa mga kabulastugan ko nung high school ay mga best kept secrets ko.

Not anymore.

1. It was July ‘94, Nutrition Month, the school held a Nutrition Quiz Bee. Having been a representative to such competition back in gradeschool, madami akong reviewers about kalusugan and all. So I brought it to class para magreview, and I tagged along sa isang quiet na sulok ang pinsan ko at kaklase na si Rita para kami lang makareview.

Then all of a sudden, all 49 of my classmates (or at least almost all of them) came swarming towards us at tinatanong "huy ano yan? Patingin naman! Pahiram! (chenelin kemeru)". Sobrang kadamutan ko, nagkunwari ako na wala lang, at lumipat kami ng pinsan ko sa ibang lugar. I still remember the looks on my classmates’ faces. They hated me. By the way, natalo ako sa quiz.

2. First period namin is Math, under our adviser Ma’am Adrineda. 7 am yon. One day may quiz kami at binalaan nya ang lahat na wag malelate dahil pag nalate ka, hindi ka na makakakuha ng quiz. But the very prompt person that is me ay nalate pa din. Habang nasa tricycle, I adjusted my wristwatch to be 20 mins late. Pagpasok sa room, (drumrolls…) mala artista epeks ako na umarte "Ma’am…quarter to seven pa lang sa relo ko! Akala ko nga po sobrang aga ko pa eh!". Sabi na lang ng adviser namin, "Sige! Maupo ka na." Deadma. Im sure pinagbulungan ako ng lahat.

3. Earth Science class under Ma’am Pestaño, may research paper kami na hindi ko natapos. Come submission day, nagvolunteer ako para maging gardener, so iniwan ko ang bag ko sa room. My great plan was to spend the whole time gardening para di na ako makapagpass hanggang matapos yung class.

Fate was so helpful though. Ang nangyari, my bag got locked up inside the room. (Apparently my classmates kind of hated me na siguro by then kaya nobody thought of getting my bag). So drama portion na naman ako. Umiyak ako nang umiyak, while exclaiming "Ma’am nandun sa bag ko yung report ko eh! Pano ko maipapass?!" Nobody had the key to the room. So nakaligtas ako sa deadline.

4. The mean girl of the class (who used to be my "best friend" kuno) just got on my nerves. So I wrote her a hate mail, na inadress ko sa school. I wrote it in this upside down fashion na you would need a mirror to be able to read it, parang kay Da Vinci. Actually, I was thinking na it would conceal my penmanship para di nila malaman na ako.

Eh I happened to mention about the hate mail to my other best friend who went to another school, tapos nakwento nya sa mga kabarkada nitong si mean girl. So pagkatanggap at pagkabasa nila sa sulat, nagsumbong sila sa adviser namin. Syempe I was denying it to death. Eh nasa front row pa naman ako, kaya kaharap ko yung adviser namin while she read the hate mail, using a mirror of course. Pero mega pretend lang ako not to notice. As in tipong, nuninooninoo…

(Oo. Ako yang nasa picture while writing the hate mail. Ahahaha!)

5. Earth Science class again. (I swear notorious ako dito sa klaseng to.) We had a quiz about the sizes of all the planets, and the height of the top ten highest mountains yata yon, all numbers! Prior to that quiz date, I went to a Boy Scout camping so I did not know about it and I had no time to memorize. Kase naman, kailangan pa bang imemorize yan?! Yun talaga sinabi ko sa sarili ko. Not wanting to fail that important test, I made a kodigo.

Akala ko I was able to go through it unnoticed. Pero a few months after, my classmate Mike Velarde ay hiniritan ako about tearing one page of the notebook i used pangtakip ng test paper ko and putting it under my butt para hindi halata. Dineadma ko na lang si Mike. Haha!

6. We had a play for our values education class, and my group won sa buong school, and we had to present it again sa culminating program of the values ed month. Come performance day, nagkasakit si Cirila, the lead actress. We did not know what to do.

Everyone in the group suggested that I get one of my friends na si Marivic to do the role. Magaling din kasi sya umarte at magaling umadlib. Pero magkagalit kami non, or galit ako sa kanya non (thus, hindi sya cast ng aking obra). Talagang tinikis ko sya. Pinasundo ko talaga si Cirila kahit may sakit sya. At while performing on stage, I saw Marivic among the audience na talagang malungkot ang mukha. Later on I found out na gustong-gusto nya to replace Cirila. I told her how deep inside I was laughing devilishly during those moments.

7. We had this assignment in Science, the question was "what is the weight of a thin sheet of plastic bag", yung size na pang ice tubig. Everyone in the class answered "ZERO". Ako lang ang nagsagot na undeterminable, but it has weight. At ako lang ang mali. Medyo pinaglaban ko pa ng konti. My logic was, how can it not have weight when if you put together hundreds of pieces of it, it will have an accumulative weight. Nagmamakasyentipik at odd-man-out ang lolo mo. Di nakalusot ang reasoning ko. Up to now gusto ko pa din ipaglaban yun, like I want to research about it at babalikan ko si Ma’am Francisco. (Hoy syaho! Tama ako!)

Ang salbahe ko pala. Hihi. Pero salbahe din naman most of my classmates, lalo na sakin. So bygones. Haha! But I don’t regret doing any of it. I guess without my kamaldituhan, my memories of high school will not be as colorful as a 24 color Crayola box. Siguro wala yung color na "burnt sienna". Hanlabo.

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You know you’re tired when…

May 15th, 2006 by kwentongbayan

(Tinatamad akong gumawa ng seryosohang post. Kaya for more enumeration na lang.)

1. It’s 20 minutes before the last full show in a cinema in Makati, you’ll be coming from Manila, stormy night, cab’s nowhere in sight, you barely have money in your pocket, yet you still go.

1. You overwrite by mistake an mpeg file which took forever to render.

1. You swear not to eat dinner anymore. And you break it.

1. You suddenly go into a "supervisor mode" and not easily get over the faults of your workmates.

1. You fall asleep while working. Good thing you’re working sitting down.

1. You look at the mirror and ask yourself: "Mahangin ba sa labas?" Buti na lang mahangin nga.

1. You lose the most important things in times of distress: yosi and lighter.

1. You dream about the movie you watched the night before, with you in it. The movie was Poseidon.

1. You start checking your pay slip. You have deductions for absences. And you are a nonswipe employee.

1. You ignore this hot stranger who smiled at you.

1. You have another bad dream, the second one for the day, with cinematic lines you delivered in that dream. ("All my life I had hoped for the least, so that this moment could be overwhelmingly best.)

1. You get totally lost in the dream that you thought it was real. And that is why it was a bad dream.

1. You finally email your resume for a job offer you thought you lost.

1. You forget how to count and get stuck with 1.

1. You make a blog about being tired.

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Kumusta naman?

May 10th, 2006 by kwentongbayan

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Memorize Yan

May 9th, 2006 by kwentongbayan

1. Don’t try to get drunk if the beer is not that cold. Really bad. Not therapeutic.

2. A head ache pill the morning after is not therapuetic for no. 1.

3. Going thru your old stuff from college is therapeutic. You’ll realize how many blue books you were able to collect, organizer fillers you weren’t able to use, back pages of your notebook full of written chikahan, that Film 100 exam you almost failed, IDs of your friends you were not able to return, class cards that make you realize how good you were then.

4. Courtesy of bad handwriting, ‘2nd’ can be misread as s-a-d.

5. Grammar can be really faulty during exams.

6. An 8.5 x 11 bond paper, when folded crosswise fits perfectly into an SM plastic bag of the same size (8.5 x 5.5 is suppose).

7. Friends can be the most clueless of all people, especially about your feelings.

8. If you’re a media person, "d8" in a text message can mean a video camera to you, and not an abbreviation of the word "date".

9. Journal entries from two years ago seems like it was written just last night.

10. Sad music always works if you want to induce tears. But crying is more heartfelt and liberating if  there is no soundtrack to it.

11. Putting on a really sad movie can also be therapeutic.

12. There are many details that you missed when you first saw your favorite movie.

13. Watching a teenybopper flick can be a lot more refreshing than you thought.

14. Do not try psychoanalyzing a weird and complicated person. Most specially if you have romantic feelings for him, or her.

15. When "Cigarette smoking is dangerous to your health" did not work, they tried "Cigarettes are addictive" and "It’s harmful to your children". All three warnings have no effect.

16. There is a lot to learn from the marketing disclaimer "offer is good while supplies last".

17. Don’t be too pally with your girl friends. Either you become the object of their guy’s jealousy, or the guy hits on you first, then on your girl friend.

18. They’ll never know until you tell them.

19. Knowing what a musical instrument is for is different from actually knowing how to play it.

20. Life is like a Bazooka Joe Bubble Gum. Always comes with a comic.

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Naiinis ako kay Bam, pero…

May 2nd, 2006 by kwentongbayan

Yes. I’m a PBB addict. Pero lesser ngayon. Mas nahook ako sa Celebrity Edition. But I’m hooked pa din anyhow. Early faves ko ay sina Aldred (sayang), Kim (LOVE HER!), Mikki and Bam.

Pero lately nakakainis na si Bam. I think her sister coached her on how to project. Ate nya si Dimples Romana who I also like. Parang everything that he does is OA. Making OA hirits, comforting Niña whenever she’s down in a super OA fashion (would hold Niña’s face up and look her straight in the eyes, sabay sabi na "wag kang umiyak", then pupunasan ang luha); panonolo kay Niña, as if binabakuran as ‘Bam Property’ ang Assumptionista; crying dahil feeling nya kapag malungkot ang mga tao, kasalanan nya dahil it was his goal daw na magpasaya sa bahay. Waah! He’s starting to become ultra annoying.

Lalo na when Niña noticed that Bam is avoiding her. I thought, "whatthe?! Ang drama mo tsong!" Sabi pa nya kase na he is avoiding Niña for their own good: his, Niña’s and Fred’s. See, Bam got rejected when he professed to the sosy girl kuno; while Fred and Niña obviously are starting to click. Of course everyone in the house noticed the komedyante all of a sudden becoming little boy blue.  And i thought that it was calling too much attention. Papansin na.

But then I realized, it is unfair to think about it that way. Bam is entitled to feel that way. A lot of people have been in his situation. I have been in that situation. I am in that situation.

Come to think of it, mas nakakainis pa nga si Niña. Sabi nya kay Bam, "You’re making us sad…", because he is not his usual self. Pero ‘ta naman. What does she expect him to do? No one can demand that he act normally (oxymoron), in the middle of an in-your-face rejection. That is hard, and would need the genius of a real actor, prolly something not even her sister Dimples would be able to teach him.

Sabi nga ni Kate Monster sa Avenue Q: "I guess if someone doesn’t love you back, it isn’t such a crime." Nothing wrong with Fred and Niña hitting it off. Well siguro to everybody else but Bam. And I guess it’s twice as hard pa for him when the rest of the housemates are building up the Fred-Niña loveteam pa. Triple that burden because Niña is superclose to him and thinks of him as her bestfriend inside the house.

If Bam really is a natural komedyante, I’m sure he’ll manage to find humor in his current situation, and make everyone go laughing. Except for him. Tragicomedy ikaw ba yan?

Sabi pa naman ni Aids at ni Nikki, para daw akong si Bam. Well, they can say that again.

AIDS & NIKKI (To Norman): Para kang si Bam. (Mwehe…)

(I can’t believe I wrote this. Haha! Kadramahan portion. )

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