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House Hunting Horrors

June 27th, 2006 by kwentongbayan

It has been the source of my depression for almost a month now: not knowing kung san ako pupulutin after my one-month notice of eviction.

I was hopeful pa when I started looking for a new place. Parang it all came rushing back, the eagerness I felt when I started looking for a boarding house before my freshman year in UP. Ayaw ng tatay ko na magdorm ako (they’ve heard a lot of horror stories from parents who sent their kids to Kalayaan…na nakakainis! One of my biggest frustrations is not experiencing the UP dorm life). Hinayaan ako ng mga magulang ko to fix everything for my college education. Part of that is to look for my dorm. Tas, saka lang sila sasama sakin to see it and give their stamp of approval.

I went shed hopping. Sa UP kase, bawat wating shed, may mga bulletin boards where all notices are posted. Madaming "Wanted: Bedspacer" etc. But when I heard of the UP Student Housing office at Vinzons, chineck ko sya and they gave me a list of dorms and boarding houses, supposedly "accredited" by them. Naalala ko pa, sobrang napukaw ang atensyon ko ng isang entry dun. Nakalagay, location: KNL. Hmmm… Sabi ko, "KNL…sounds really smashing! Posh!" Ganung level. So sakay ako ng Ikot jeep. Nahihiyang magtanong kaya talagang tyinempuhan ko yung jeep na bakante sa harap, para di obvious pag magtanong. "Manong, san po yung KNL?" "Ibaba na lang kita."

A few minutes after…nuninuninu…

Manong: Ayan na yung KNL.

Baba ako. Big ark. "Welcome. Krus Na Ligas."

Yun yung first horror story ko. And I never expected na three years out of college eh I would have to go through the same house hunt again. But I had to.

Positivism in effect, umeager na lang ako to look for a new place. Taking note of "for rent" signs, checking out Buy and Sell both in print and on the web, calling up each prospect, etc.

The apartment I am renting now is very affordable, if not cheap. They only charge me 2,500 a month. It may not be a posh place, pero it’s super decent at maayos. Kaya when I went to check out yung mga natawagan ko, sobra akong nadepress.

1 out of 10 places na chineck ko, sobrang…WAAAH…

Case no. 1: Description: Studio type, big room, own toilet and bathroom. 3,500 a month. Tinawagan ko, sabi ng may-ari, "maganda sya, maluwag, second floor, may balcony pa sya." I’ve always wanted a balcony! Sobrang hoping na ito na yun, I went to see it. But no. Isa syang close-to-squatter’s area. Ang balcony na sinasabi nya ay, fine, some couple of feet na space outside the room. Pero right after it is a wall. Nasan ang balcony? Punyeta.

Case no. 2: Nadaanan ko lang sya, somewhere around Sikatuna. May signboard sa harap. Tinour ako ng manang around the apartment. Room for rent daw. When she opened the door, parang garage na katatapos lang magkumpuni ng kotse ang itsura. We went up to the room…but it wasn’t even a room. It was just a space by the window, enough for a bed, enclosed by some plywood. Nagmamalaki pa si manang, "may ventilation naman yan iho." Ventilation my ass. Ano ‘to? Selda?

Case no. 3: Fine. Papatulan ko na ang bedspace, or sharing the house with other people. Some ’80s style house sa UP Village. The house was really nice. The landlord toured me around, showed me the vacant room. It wasn’t small, but the space is super just enough for one. When i asked kung magkano, sabi nya: 7,000 per month. 2 months deposit, 1 month advanced, no washing of clothes, no ironing of clothes, no cooking. Putangina. Kumbento?

Yung iba pa, talaga namang nakakatindig balahibo. Mga makeshift rooms lang na God knows what it was before. Lagyan ng plywood, bintana, pinto, konting bato, konting semento…APARTMENT! Kahit pa nasa squatter’s area eto. At parang lahat ng kwarto ang tawag eh "STUDIO TYPE". Or, the decent ones, with only decency to brag about, charges exorbitantly na you’d want to ask…Um…Condo? Ate? Condo?

That’s what I realized tuloy. If you want to live decently in Metro Manila, you’ve to spend for it. Nasanay lang kasi ako sa very decent-at a low low price kong apartment sa ngayon, na I can’t help but be appalled sa kamahalan ng mga rent.

Don’t we have regulating bodies for these things? Like a price regulatory board for rents? I know there are requirements for buildings to have fire escapes, etc. But these are observed more as exception than a rule. I doubt if anybody inspects these kind of establishments. Or do they even have permits. Renting out a place is just like any other business, which I think should be regulated by our government. There are regulations for price ceilings I’ve heard. Pero shouldn’t they check man lang if the prices are commensurate to what the place is offering. That’s like overpricing, same thing that a number of palengkeras get punished for. Sheesh. I can’t help but think that landlords (most of them) are greedy people. Who the hell will charge such an amount for a small space that you can very well give to a dog?

Saka eto pa, mas madaming mga pinoy ang salahula. If the mushrooming of squatters aren’t proof enough…just check most advertised ‘for rents’. Most of them are just makeshifts. Masabi lang na mukhang kwarto. Kahit pa obviously hindi pwedeng tirhan, basta pwedeng higaan, ayos na. Pagbibigyan ko pa ang mga iskwating. Fine. They don’t have anywhere to go. Pero kung paupahan mo pa sa iba yang lugar na hindi naman sa iyo, or isipin mong some idiot would pay thousands of bucks for your kadiri space…eh leche ka.

I was watching nga Coyote Ugly the other night. The scene when Piper Perabo moved to New York, she was with her best friend and they went up her new apartment. Diring-dire sila, when the place was just konting paligo less than an average condo unit in Quezon City. My God. Ako nga, hindi pa ko inarte ng lagay na ‘to, hindi ako madirihin at mapili. Pero hindi ko talaga masikmura how Metro Manila lacks decent housing for its occupants.

Binaba na ba talaga natin ang ating standards? Do we really need to settle for what’s less?

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Mix Tape

June 22nd, 2006 by kwentongbayan

(From Avenue Q)
Kate Monster:

A mix tape.
He made a mix tape.
He was thinking of me,
Which shows he cares!
Sometimes when someone
Has a crush on you
They’ll make you a mix tape
To give you a clue.

I also did, like Princeton to Kate Monster. I made a mix tape, or a mix CD (di na uso casettes, pero i used to give out mix tapes as Christmas presents to friends). But this is the first mix that I gave as a clue to someone. Above is the actual CD which I gave, or actually, the twin of the CD which I gave. I made two copies kase, put them together in a CD envelope para magkasama sila for the longest time before I gave it out. So when I gave the other one, I really did not know which is which.

I chose songs from different genres, kasi di ko alam talaga ang type ng music ng pinagbigyan ko. Or I trusted my instinct. Ika nga ni Princeton, "I kept coming across songs that I thought you’d like." Pero more than the genres, of course I picked songs that would convey my message kuno. I’m just not sure (until now, it has been a year already), if my clue got through. Or baka it did. But it did not merit any acknowledgment.

1. Hanging by a Moment / Lifehouse
                        (I’m standing here until you make move…)
2. You’re a God / Vertical Horizon
      (There’s somewhere beyond this I know, but I hope I can find the words to say…)
3. Save Me / Aimee Mann
                        (You look like a perfect fit…but can you save me?)
4. If You’re Gone / Matchbox Twenty
                        (I think I’m just scared - I think too much.")
5. Ghost / Indigo Girls
                        (And I feel it like a sickness, how this love is killing me…)
6. Tea and Sympathy / Jars of Clay
                        (Wonder why we tried for things that could never be.)
7. Whenever, Wherever, Whatever / Maxwell
                        (Wish I knew if I could…)
8. White Flag / Dido
         (I’ll let it pass, and hold my tongue, and you will think that I’ve moved on.)
9. Wishful Thinking / Duncan Sheik
                        (Oh yeah, fooled again…)
10. Drive / Incubus
                        (Will I choose water over wine?)
11. Everytime I Close My Eyes / Babyface
                        (To think of all the nights I cried myself to sleep.)
12. Weird / Hanson
                        (No one can hear though you’re screaming so loud…)
13. Never be the Same Again / Melanie C. feat. Left eye
                        (Nothing ventured, nothing gained.)
14. Dying / Five for Fighting
                     (Dying to say what I always should’ve said.)
15. Constantly /Vanessa Williams
                     (Should I play this game, of just being your friend?)
16. Burnout / Sugarfree
                     (O kay tagal din kitang mamahalin…)
17. Angel of Mine / Monica
                     (I never knew I could feel each moment…)
18. Across the Universe / The Beatles
                     (Nothing’s gonna change my world.)

Exchange gift ang naganap. A special gift was also prepared for me. I got a big box of Koko Krunch. Why that? (Madaming nagtatanong.) Mahaba-habang kwento. Poof!

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Best Friend with Benefits

June 21st, 2006 by kwentongbayan

First cut is the deepest…

We were in Grade 4 then. The Division English Supervisor for Nueva Ecija went to our school and visited our class to give some composition writing activity. Naaalala ko pa mukha nya, si Mr. Guevarra, kasi he’s a colleague of my father, so medyo kilala nya ako. He told us to write about our bestfriend. He was explaining and giving us ideas, kasama ang adviser namin, the late Mrs. Pilar del Pilar. Nasa front row ako nun, kase we were seated according to our ranking in class. (Naks. yabangan portion).

Tapos bigla nya akong tinuro at pinatayo. He wanted to show an example to the entire class.

Mr. Guevarra: For example…Norman here will write about his bestfriend. Sino bang bestfriend mo?

"Si Aldy po."

Mr. Guevarra: Aldy, si Norman ba ang bestfriend mo?

Aldy: Hindi po.

I can still remember the perplexed look in the faces of my classmates, my adviser and Mr. Guevarra. Did they pity me? Or nabigla lang sila just like me? There was a moment of silence. Until Mrs. Del Pilar, with much effort and stuttering, tried to regain the discussion. "Oo nga naman Sir. Pwede naman nga yun Sir" sabi nya kay Mr. Guevarra. "Oo nga, pwede namang sya ang bestfriend mo. Pero iba ang bestfriend nya."

Or Mr. Guevarra, pwedeng sya ang bestfriend ko, pero ako hindi nya bestfriend. What does that say about me?

Scarred for life

I may not remember the exact date, but that moment has marked me for life. I can not remember exactly what I felt when I heard Aldy’s denial. Naaalala ko lang that I tried to look behind to see him (he’s seated sa last row), but halfway through my attempt, pinigilan ko not to look na. Kase he even added na "si Joel po ang bestfriend ko." Joel, happened to be, for lack of a better and less harsh term, my "rival" in class. But it did not occur to me that the rivalry extended to that length. (Defensive mode: Di ako galit kay Joel. Not at all.)

I can say that as early as Grade 4, I already had a philosophy on friendship. Thanks to Aldy. At such a young age, I came face to face with a sad reality about relationships. Para nga syang lansangan, ayon sa VST. Before unrequited love, there was unrequited friendship. But not really unrequited. We remained friends pa din after that day. Pero five years prior to that day, I have been telling everybody (All the teachers in our school know that we were best friends, even when we were preschoolers pa lang. See, Si Mrs. Reyes, Aldy’s lola was our school supervisor. Tapos lagi sya kasama ng lola nya. Ako naman kasama ng nanay ko. So kami lagi magkalaro at paikot-ikot sa school. Sabay din kaming nagsaling ket sa kinder); I have been filling out slumbooks with "Aldy R. Dizon" as my bestfriend. The best buddy, the best kalaro, the best kakulitan, the best kasama adventuring through mga kadilim-diliman at kadumi-dumihang sulok ng school - the makings of a bestfriend, criteria set by a kid.

Kaya siguro some people think that I’m an old soul. I’m not an old soul. I just matured early.

From then on, I never had a best friend.

Some people come my way, pero I became too wary to jump into branding them. Instead, I became part of small circles. Of cliques. I’m lucky if the clique is even numbered. Pero otherwise, I end up doing things solo when everybody else pairs up. Riding a ferris wheel alone, or with a stranger; sitting behind the tricycle driver; solo flight on paper works.

Nung high school, lumulubog sa baha yung DOST Building which is our homeroom. So most of the time, instead of having classes, pinagtatambak kami ng adviser namin ng buhangin sa flooded area. We bring sacks, tapos by pair (each student holding one end of the sack), magbubuhat ng buhangin from the giant mound of sand papunta sa tambakan. Guess what you know last night? I often end up as taga pala ng buhangin, or I carry my own sack. Which was sobrang ex kase dumidikit sa pants yung sack so nadudumihan ang pants ko. And everyone else in the class do it by pair: Jackie and Marivic; Irene and Joy; Rachel and Anna; Alvin and Marion; Alvin and Angel; Ricardo and Vergel; Rita and Janice; Ethel and Tetet…basta. Everybody else had a better half. Oh. Not everybody.

Not quite

As I said, meron namang mga tao na almost became my best friend. Si Alisa for one, when we were in gradeschool. She was my neighbor, and we shared the same sense of humor. Sabay kami lagi umuuwi, magkakopyahan pag exams, and we became really close. She knew a lot of my secrets. Kahit pa we didn’t go to the same high school, we kept in touch. Though i think much to our denial, we have grown apart. She made friends. I made friends. We grew up. And none of the most important learnings were things that we shared. And it made a lot of difference.

(Alisa and me, minutes before our cultural presentation, March 2004. Si Carl Anthony yung chinito. Si Gil John {na crush ni Ali} ang nasa likod. Parang si Brian Parungao yung noo sa likod ko)

High School naman, though not branding anyone as my best friend, I became demanding (though I should say within bounds pa naman) from my circle. Siguro it rooted from the feeling or not feeling appreciation from this circle (and most of the class can attest to that). Oh, siguro naappreciate nila when I did all the work for our baby thesis and lots of other projects. I just didn’t feel important. Inaway ko pa sila lahat.

(Kung sino daw ang nasa gitna, syang unang mamamatay. See how much they love me? Sadyang binlur ang mga mukha upang maproteksyunan…ako.)

Exibit A: when they formally named the circle, they came up with the
name "D!JIM" (for more high school kajologan). JIM stands for their
initials; D, as in "the". They suddenly realized na "nakalimutan" nila
ko isama. And proposed that they change D to N, or add N to JIM para maging
JIMN which sounded a lot awful. Either way, walang nangyari. And I couldn’t care a damn back then. Di naman ako nagmapilit at all. May na-add
pa ngang isang letter J to the group, and it became D!JJIM. And later
on, may na-add pang isang letter N (na hindi ako) at pinangatawanan
nila ang awful sounding na D!JJIMN. One of our classmates said na the D
is for "Dog". Siguro ako yun. Ganda di ba?)

The ostracized mean girl of the class (si letter I, so naging D!JJMN na lang sila after) had nobody to stick with. (She got evicted from the group bec she got jealous of leter N). Syempre wala nang ibang tatanggap sa kanya kundi ako. Being the dog. (It makes sense. I was born 1982. Waterdog). It was an act of charity. She’s my friend after all. And I was really nice to her. Even came to a point that I thought of her as a best friend. But she’s just a born bitch, pati ako tinalo nya. That bitch. Did I say she’s a bitch?

(D!JJMN, wala na si letter I. Mga nagahasa yan kaya ganyan, nakablur. Haha! Joke.)

College. My Comm III speech was about friendship. I can not think of anything else that I feel strongly about but this. I had to do research, and surprisingly, a lot of philosophical and psychological analyses had been written about friendship. Not only did it give my speech a backbone, it also gave me academic basis for my philosophy.

Sabi dun sa isang study, the worst mistake that people commit in friendships is that they expect to be treated the way they treat their friends. And when their friends fail to reciprocate, they feel undervalued, ignored, taken for granted. Why it was a mistake? That, I can not clearly remember.

Pero isn’t that just fair. I mean, in any relationship, who does not expect to be treated well? Or at least to be treated the way you treat others. Is friendship any different from the relationship we have with our parents, or our family? Or a romantic relationship? Professional relationships? Isn’t it a normal reaction to feel cheated upon, betrayed or even misled when you find out that you’re the only one paddling the boat you’re in…or find out that the other one already jumped out of it.

Philosophy

I kept saying "my philosophy" but I never explained what it is. Well, it’s plain and simple. I do not believe that a best friend exists. You can have a lot of friends. You can make a lot of friends, be a social butterfly and be with different circles of friends (like I did in high school), have a lot of really good friends, but not really find someone you can call a BEST friend. To a really low extent, I even thought that I really can not call people my friends. They’re just mere acquaintances.

FRIEND - A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts.

ACQUAINTANCE - A person whom one knows.

Very similar definitions. "likes, and trusts." After being betrayed my most people I have called "friends", it’s so easy to be dropping the last two elements off the definition. It’s safest to fit everybody under the latter category. Pero that’s too pessimistic naman. Hindi naman ako ganon.

I’m more critical about the branding of a friend. Good friend. Old friend. Best friend. The "best" makes a lot of difference. It entails a lot of expectations and responsibilities…it’s a covenant. Afraid of frustrations and disappointments, I never gave that title to anybody.

Closest thing

I’m firm. No best friends. And I don’t have one. Although I’ve used the term a few times already. BEST. Used it. But not to label.

Cess is the one who kind of tweaked my philosophy. I’ve never met someone as selfless as Cess. Siguro sobra din yung napagdaanan naman sa Broad Ass application, Broad Ass life at broad life in general. She knew when to be at my aid. She stood strong when I would crumble down, and taught me how to be strong. She made me feel important, that I matter…someone actually listens.

I told her that she’s my best friend. But that’s not labelling her. Just giving her her rank. I know I’m not her best friend, nor the best among her friends. But I’ve accepted my place. Kase what I see is so many people who loves her, so many friends around her, that I might even need to compete with them. But I don’t need to. I know where I stand.

(With Cess and Pinky. The non-kikay half of Broad Ass Batch 99.5)

Oh, my i-hate-you batchmate (dahil hindi tumalon), Pinky. Always there to cheer me up. Pero laging may warning. Hindi sya shock absorber type. Hindi sya makikiiyak sayo (tatawanan ka pa nga nyan), siguro kasi she doesn’t have the same problems. Yet she listens and she understands. Yun nga lang, di yan tumalon. (I hate you batch!)

Of course, there’s Che, who’s practically my one-woman cheering squad. But I’m too late to penetrate her best friend zone…may mga nauna na. Haha! But still glad to have her and be her friend. Just the way we are.

(Hanging out at Raz’s fab Tierra de la Torre)

So, no best friends. Just best, better, good, close, common, plain…friends.

Pero hinahanap ko pa din. I turn green with envy at the sight of "best friends". I still wish for a constant. Someone who will choose to be with me when everybody else is busy; will listen to all my rants and raves with much enthusiasm; who’ll drop anything that is keeping him/her occupied when my kidney’s killing me and I need to rush to the ER; who would have stayed with me the entire time that I was grieving the death of my father; who would have defended me (like Marion to Alvin) when everybody seemed to be against me during our deliberations in high school; who would have been my campaign manager when even the closest of my friends thought twice of joining my high school political pary; who will get drunk with me whenever I feel like getting drunk; or not get drunk knowing that sooner there’ll be crying and I’ll be a handful; who’ll plan with me my impromptu roadtrip to Davao; who will be the first one to know if I suddenly die of bangungot; someone whom my mother will call "para ko nang anak yan"; someone who i’ll have a hell of fight with, knowing that tomorrow we’ll be just fine; someone na babatuk-batukan lang ako; I’ll call him/her ‘ulol-gago-ungas-tantado-sira’; someone to watch over me. Panget yung last. All that, but not in a romantic light. Not at all.

Demanding ko ba? Shiyet. BECAUSE I KNOW I CAN BE ALL THAT AND MORE! And I’m not afraid of the responsibilities and the expectations. I am a dog. Quoting Raz, "lovable, smart, loyal, reliable".

Pero wait. How come there’s nobody? Eh ganun naman ako to most of my friends? Could it be that I am too accessible? I am "everywhere" and I’ve lost my novelty? (Quoring Raz again). Hmmm…

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Trapped

June 15th, 2006 by kwentongbayan

WARNING: This may not have sense (although I’m hoping that it would have). I just feel like screaming out loud. Wag na lang basahin.

My professional life is like the Philippine government. I’m trapped in a not very stable company, which I can not just leave despite many people’s prodding, telling me that I’m wasting my time and talent in a thankless industry. But I just can’t escape easily, given the considerations that my boss has been kind enough to me, mahirap magresign ng walang kapalit at walang siguradong kapalit (parang si GMA), it’s hard to turn your back from something that you’ve always done and to an environment that you had grown accustomed to, i hate change…just few of the reasons why.

Sobrang frustrating lang, when you’ve so much hope for a group, a company, that every hour that you’re sweating out (or not sweating out dahil may aircon) for it all go to waste when you find out that you’re the only one who has exerted that level of passion and sacrifice for it…when you find out that after trying to exert extra effort and try to excel in multi-tasking, wala pa ring silbi because other people had gone off after sucking out what they could of the company’s resources. Mga talipandas! At ang kanilang mga gawain ay panghabangbuhay na pasanin ng panibagong henerasyon.

Shet. Walang sense. NAIINIS LANG AKO. SHET! FACKERS. PAKSHET. P**&(%)NA.Pardon the profanity. Just frustration overload. I feel really really tired. I feel undervalued. I feel under appreciated. I feel outwitted. Rehimeng Marcos na sinaid ang kaban ng bayan at nagtungo sa Amerika. Wala talagang umaasenso out of integrity, out of honesty and out of sacrifice for a higher goal. Tusuhan ang labanan. At yung mga tuso, ‘di lang umaasenso, yan pa yung minamahal ng bayan. Eh tingnan nyo naman kung sino ang mga nahahalal sa pwesto at minamahal ng mga tao. The hardest part is that there is nothing that i can do, even to relieve this weird pain in my stomach (stress thing probably). Gusto kong manuntok. Gusto kong sumigaw. Gusto kong manghambalos ng monitor. Gusto kong magpasabog ng mga itlog ng dinosaur. I want to escape. But I’ve been trapped. (Magamit lang yung title sa body).

Kanina nga, habang nasa FX, di ko alam kung san ako bababa. Bumaba na lang ako sa SM at lumakad-lakad lang, not knowing what to do, not knowing what activity can appease the stress that I’m feeling. Parang baliw lang na naglalakad. Ilang tao kaya sa SM ang tulad ko?

Siguro oras na para mangurakot. Patawad po Dr. Edna Co. I just might trash everything that I’ve learned from your class. Or not. Hindi kasi ako pinalaki ng ganon ng mga magulang ko. Hindi matibay ang sikmura ko sa kasakiman. Something that I’m not thankful for right now.

Not wanting to sound self righteous. But really, the righteous path is the more difficult of the many paths. Paths. Fats. Fots. Pots. Gusto ko lang itype.

Sorry, if you read up until this part. Did not really mean to waste anybody’s time.

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Birthday Gifts

June 13th, 2006 by kwentongbayan

Sa pamilya namin, walang culture of gift giving na maituturing. Siguro dahil galing sa hirap, yung ipaghanda ka ng parents mo on your birthday, and allow you to invite a few friends, ay considered their gift na. I never received something that’s nicely wrapped with matching ribbon, for my birthday, from my parents. Ako lang yata ang nakainherit ng gift giving from our eldest sister, saka ate ko kahit konti. Nevertheless, im grateful for my parents because they gave me something that money can’t buy. Cliche, yet very true.

My point being, nasanay na ako and I do not really expect to receive gifts for my birthday. Not even during Christmas. Kaya pag may kris kringle sa office, or nabunot ako sa raffle, talagang I save the gift and not open it until Christmas.

But for my 24th birthday, gifts came raining down on me, in different packages so to speak.

Of course, ang napakagandang birthday gift ng aking landlord. (Thank you supladong landlord.)

Ricardo went to my house on the eve of my birthday with a black forest
cake from Goldilocks (happy birthday Goldilocks!). Eh I was cleaning
up, kaya too tired to eat it agad, medyo uminit na yung cake. It’s da
thot dat counts, ika nga. At least, I got to blow a candle and make a
wish.

Around 2 am, really tired and hungry, I went to Tropical Hut at Muñoz. I was super craving for spaghetti. If you haven’t tried their spaghetti, sya yung tipong homemade sa sweetness, not your typical fastfood spaghetti. For more spaghetti = birthdays. I also bought myself a nice gift from their toy stand. Some collapsable goat (according to the ate, kambeng daw sya, na ang akala ko ay pusa). It’s a cheaper version of Joseph’s German collapsable donkey na kuhang-kuha ang fainting reaction ni Anya.

Ang pamilya ko ay makatatlong beses yatang tumawag para lang mag-greet.
I think medyo namiss nila ko. Hihi. Kase, ang birthday ng nanay ko ay
two days before my birthday, and we usually celebrate it ng sabay,
either sa birthday nya, or sa akin. Since we celebrated June 2, I went
back to Manila na to have my birthday here. Pero sabi nila,
magcecelebrate pa din daw sila kahit wala ako
dun. Sweetness. Naiyak daw ako.

I met with my high school friends for lunch at Hap Chan West Ave. (Sorry sa mga nakalimutan kong yayain! Seryoso, I was thinking kung sinu-sino, ewan ko ba kung bat ko kayo nakalimutan…) Hemingwaist, tatatlong piraso kami. Ako, si Joy at si Ricardo (who joined us later pa dahil may appointment pa sa dentist). Bukod sa kanila, we chanced upon an old friend (if you remember my monicker "Lumang Manika", itong taong ito ang "Bagong Manika"). Our high school pseudo barkada Narissa Samin, whom I haven’t seen since we graduated. What a really nice gift to have seen her in the most unlikely circumstance and place. Isa sya sa mga nawala na sa sirkulasyon since graduation. She was with her boyfriend (whom we suspect ay Chinese dahil sa Hap Chan sila pumunta to have lunch). Hanlabo.

I went to Raz’s place around 5 pm, dahil sinigurado ni Che na pupunta ako. Hmmm…Nagfeeling daw ako and suspected na they were cooking up something. Well totoo nga, literally at figuratively. Surprise surprise! (Di ako mahilig sa surprise, but I liked their’s very much!) Sherlyn cooked pasta (yum!) and there was barbeque courtesy of Mylene, Raz’s househelp at inspirasyon ng short film na Labada.
Anya joined us too, at may mga giftsung din sya sa akin. Books! Two books. Yung isa, is about Filipino word play, puns. Super funny!

Andito yung mga "cooking ng ina mo" at "cooking ng ina mo rin!" eateries. The author and her photographer guy went around the metro at naghanap ng mga ganito. Tulad nitong nasa cover "Monay Lisa",pangalan ng bakery. Kumusta naman?!

The other one is Jonathan Safran Foer’s ‘Everything is Illuminated’, my current best friend which keeps me company when I need one. Super lovin it! I’m not very fond of reading, pero this one got me hooked! Obvious ba? (I swear, wala lang akong magawa. I’m not this vain.)

Tapos, Tutei came too. May dala ding cake. Black forest from Goldilocks again (Hello Nina?). But this time, malamit at matigas ito, kaya aming nakain at naenjoy. Wala nga lang candle blowing ceremony. But that’s okay. I haven’t seen Tutei for the longest time and her fresence (intentional ang f) ay isang mgandang regalo na.

We played Taboo din! Lumabas ang pagka competitive ng mga tao! Happiness! My favorite word na pinahula ko ay "Boo-Hoo" - the sound you make when mocking someone in tears. Ah! Tsktsk…for more.

Ayun lang. I said it was my best birthday ever. Pero actually, second best lang. But it was really special and I had a blast. The best pa din yung 2002 birthday ko, quite the opposite of this year’s. KUng wala yun, syempre best na ito. I can not thank everyone enough (Raz Sherl Tei Anya Che for the surprise), and everyone who remembered. And even those who did not remember. Ika nga ng someone, hindi naman sukatan ng pagkakaibigan ang pagbati ng Happy Birthday. I love you all! (Yak showbiz! haha!)

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Deyting Doon

June 7th, 2006 by kwentongbayan

I originally made this blog on Feb 27, 2006 in my tabulas.com account. Just thought I’d share this here. This is a "censored" version by the way. Following Sabina’s (of Unbearable Lightness) concept of truth, at least my part of the truth. To the person I am referring too (if ever you get to read this), I hope nothing bad will come between us because of this blog. Hehe. Malinis ang hangarin ng blog. Hihi. =)
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Actually, i just call it a date, for conveniences of non-explanation. Coffee, talk, reminiscing. Pero hindi naman yun ang common understanding ng tao about a "date." Lagi syang may romantic motives na kakabit. Pero the "date" I am talking about was not romantic at all. It could have been, had it happened many many years ago.

In the very distant past, I courted this girl. And my life revolved around her. All my life goals and dreams included her in the picture. That was until she disuaded me from courting her (or until I’ve accepted that it’s just not meant to be). Fine, she rejected me. But in a very nice way, in fairness to her.

And at some point in my musing at how things are now in my life, I sort of blamed her for how I am now. But not really blame-BLAME. Naisip ko lang, kung nagustuhan nya siguro ako, kung sinagot nya ko, things would have been much simpler, easier now. Or if destiny permits, happier too. Sya pa lang ang minahal ko ng ganoon. (Joey Albert kaw ba yan?)

Feb 13 I got a text from her, inviting me to have coffee. At nagulo ang mundo ko. Talk about timing. Kinabukasan, araw na ng mga puso. Bakit naman nya ko yayayain? Eh may boyfriend naman sya. Bakit ako. Kinilig daw ako. At nagsimulang maglaro at mabuhay muli ang mga pangarap ng unang panahon.

What if hiwalay na pala sila ng boyfriend nya? Or baka buntis sya at ayaw panagutan ng boyfriend nya…tapos gusto nya na ako ang maging ama ng anak nya? (Teka, medyo far fetched na yon. Pero I seriously gave it some thought. Ganto ako lagi, nagimbento na ng mga kwento sa utak ko). And I decided that I would say yes. I’d take it. (wala talaga kong plano na magka-anak, pero kung sya, oo). See. Minahal ko talaga sya.

It was barely a year ago when I "met" her again, thru Friendster. I knew then that she already has a boyfriend. And we also went out to have coffee last year. I didn’t quite make an impression when we first met again after so many years. Syempre naturalmente, andaming dead air na naganap. Parang pareho kaming nag-iisip ng next topic na pwede pag usapan. Andami nang nangyari sa mga buhay namin, pero none of the most important things were common to us. Elementary ko pa sya last na nakita. A few times in high school. Tapos wala na.

I even bought her flowers, a whole bunch of roses. Pero it seemed that she did not like it. When we decided to walk around Gateway, she insisted na we leave the flowers at the baggage counter, despite my offer to carry it for her. (Siguro she did not want us to look like we were dating nga). I apologized for the inconvenience. Sabi naman nya, hindi daw sya sanay na binibigyan ng bulaklak.

After that date, I still was texting her, pero di na sya nagrereply. At naglaro na naman ang malikot kong imahinasyon. Baka nalaman ng boypren nya na lumabas sya kasama ang ibang lalake? (Sinecret daw nya kasi yung unang coffee namin). Or baka she was hurting then, and she needed to talk to someone, pero okay na sila ngayon ng boylet nya kaya di na nya ko pinapansin? Or baka…(HAHAHA) ( If you’re my friend, you know what the 3rd theory is).

Pero hindi naman. At nagulat nga ako na she’s asking me out again. Naks. "She’s asking me out."

First date pa lang, it already was clear to me that nothing romantic will come out of the "date." And even if it would be something anything close to a prospective love affair, I’m not sure if i’ll be ready for it when it comes; all the more if it comes in that certain package.

Siguro what I need is to jolt myself out of the thoughts about it being a "date." At the very least, I am happy that she wants to go out with me again. That boosts my confidence, that I am tolerable, if not fun to be with; and among the many people that she can have coffee with other than her boyfriend, she chose me.

She chose me. Sarap pakinggan.

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Emergency Exit

June 5th, 2006 by kwentongbayan

My plan was to start my special day right. So when I got back from Nueva Ecija Saturday afternoon, I started cleaning my house. I can not remember the last time I seriously gave it a cleaning, and certainly it was not only a couple of months ago. Kahit pawis pawisan na ako at nanlalagkit, talagang kinarir ko ang paglilinis. Getting rid of the dust that have accumulated on my DVDs, books, mga CDs and even on my nagmakaka-altar of mementos on top of Dex’s TV which is practically on loan to me. Even my bathroom became squeaky clean. I’ve known myself as super OC when it comes to cleanliness at my office, or when I sleepover at some friend’s house. But never in my own house. So this was really a super special task that I had to do to welcome my birthday. Saturday also became a special day.

Tired legs, migraine attacked, my back really aching, yet I felt light and glad when my phone alarmed. It was 12 midnight. I slept watching one of my favorite DVDs.

I woke up a little past eight to the knocking at my door. It was my landlord and his wife. They wanted to talk to me. Their presence did not make me feel right. Kami yung tipong walang pakialamanan. I only see them when I pay my rent. Ni hindi ko naisip na baka gusto lang nila ako igreet.

It was bad news. MAJOR bad news. Sabi ng landlord ko, "dumating na ang panahon na kakailanganin namin yang unit mo. Inilalagay naman namin ang sarili namin sa sitwasyon mo. So binibigyan ka namin ng 30 days para makahanap ng lilipatan."

To borrow Anya’s favorite expression: "KIKE!" They wanted to sound concerned. But I did not feel that sincerely coming from them. I wanted to yell: "PUTANGINA! PWEDE WAG NGAYON?! BERTDEY KO EH!!!!" Sabi nga ni Pinky, could have not been told at a better time.

It was bad. Really really bad. I did not look at them. Sa sahig lang ako nakatingin all the time. I kept on nodding to acknowledge that, yes, I heard you. Iniisip ko na lang while they were talking, Hmm…this will make a nice blog! When they left, i closed my door, at para bang mga eksena sa pelikula na bigla na lang hihiga sa kama at iiyak….ganun. Sabay sabi sa sarili sarcastically…"happy birthday to me!"

The feeling was…unexplainable. There i was, overly excited about my birthday, then suddenly my bubble bursts. Ganon siguro yung feeling ng mga nae-evict sa PBB. Napaisip ako, what have I done wrong? May nagreklamo ba akong kapitbahay? Masyado bang malakas ang sounds ko? Do they get irritated when i suddenly burst into singing? Was I too cold and unaffected as a neighbor?

I’ve turned down a lot of friends who invited me to rent an apartment or a condo unit and live with them. Because I have learned to manage and have found beauty and serenity in living alone at that place in never-heard Frisco. I can even say that I’ve fallen in love with my place, its flaws and all. It had become my refuge. A sign on my door says "Emergency Exit", because that is exactly what it is to me. It became my house.

Which probably is my biggest mistake. Parang si Jolens, falling in love with her best friend. Pinky in one of her texts referred to my place as "your apartment". Exacto. Bingo. Realization. It’s not my house. It’s just my apartment. A place I rent, but will never be my own; can be taken away anytime. Not having a copy of the contract that my sister signed (she handed down to me that place), I am left without a choice. I have to move out.

The best therapy for me is to wallow in the sadness. Bring it on! I popped in my Tuscan Sun DVD. At di napigilang mapaluha sa lahat ng situation na similar to the one that I am having.

Until now it hasn’t sunk in, that I need to look for a new place within 30 days. Or make that 29 days. Im now facing lot of things: the hassle of looking for nice sturdy boxes to put in my stuff; how the hell do I get rid of that crazy green locker with all my sister’s stuff in it; readjustment; money I have to raise for the down and the advance payments for the new place; existence or non-existence of a nice yet cheap apartment within the vicinity of my comfort zone aka QC; leaning a new route going to Intramuros; starting all over again; change…I hate change.

I’ve always prefered to be a dumpee, rather than be a dumper. I guess it’ll be easier to take in the pain than be the one to dispense it. Realizing it now, it’s not that easy. The latter doesn’t hurt as bad. It may not even hurt at all. But now, I am the dumpee. And it hurts. And it’s so much of a hassle. And I’d have to go through it.

Hoping that it will do some good. It is fate that has decided for me. It may be marking a closure of a certain chapter in my life. Whatever chapter that may be. It may be fate shaking me and reminding me that change is not always scary. Restarting may be healthy. Fresh is always good. And if I can make myself realize that soon enough, I can probably consider that somehow, my landlord gave me a nice gift for my birthday.

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