Kwentong Bayan

Recent update

• Dahil sa paglutang ni Lozada…
• First Bug (Should Die)
• Catching up on movies I missed
• Lack of sleep may be deadly
• I Wish I ws a Punk Rocker
• Anya Palileo Victory Liner (anlabo)
• Fear Pressure (Clean Version)
• Two old friends…
• Ang bagong Wendy Valdez ng bayan
• Pinakamatinik na Networking

Push the button (it’s yours)

October 27th, 2006 by kwentongbayan

Nagkaproblema ako ng malaki last weekend. Kung ano at bakit, I can’t really expound on due to self-imposed confidentiality.

The feeling was very familiar. It was the same feeling that went with a tres I got for my MI in BC 121 (na may palabok pa ng talim ng dila ni Ma’am David). That same feeling that was aggravated by the fact that it was a production that I painstakingly prepared for, spent so much for, missed EDSA Dos for. After that Thursday afternoon at the TV Studio, I dragged myself lifeless, and found refuge under one of those narra trees lined along the track oval behind Bahay ng Alumni. With only yosi to as my companion (bagong kilala pa lang kami non). I was silently crying violently.

And last weekend I did the same. I was trying to keep myself composed, and trying to finish what was due from me, but my inner voice suddenly said "WHADAF***?!" Tama na ang pagpapanggap. Tumayo ako bigla, wanting to leave my frigid (literal eto) room. But before I left, naisip ko pang patayin ang computer ko. Sayang din ang kuryente.

I pushed the power button. Normally magshut down na sya, all windows will start to close one by one. But before it closed the active window, it asked me first: "Would you like to save changes made to (name of the project I was working on)?" It was anti climactic and irritating. But i readily answered, ‘yes’. After all, I know that that moment will pass and I wouldn’t want to waste the efforts I’ve already expended.

So I went out. Yosi as companion again. I wanted to reach for some friends, but I know they’re all busy, and probably have their own shits to worry about. And I wouldn’t want to be rejected. The nagmamaka European park infront of Manila Cathedral was a perfect setting to have that moment again. Silently crying violently.

For the first time I was sure, and I felt it coming. I’m gonna lose it. I knew if I won’t hold back, I’ll fall apart, never to be whole again. I got scared, yet wanting to do something for the first time. To take that plunge. Mauna na ulo kung mauuna.

Then there was this taong grasa. Napaisip ako bigla. Di naman siguro sila pinanganak na taong grasa. Pano sila nagkaganon? May childhood ba sila? Where are their families? Gumagana pa ba utak nila? Or do they just roam around aimlessly, nonchalant about the world that goes on without them? What liberty, naisip ko. (Coño!) Mawalan ng pakialam sa mundo.

It’s like they’ve already turned off their power buttons. Hinugot na nila ang mga sarili nila sa mundo. They took the plunge. Siguro namatayan siya ng pamilya…or nahuli nyang may kabit ang asawa nya…or sobrang walang pera at nabaliw sa gutom…or nagkaroon ng problema sa trabaho that seems unsolvable. Pwede…

That’s what I hate about myself. Masyadong concious ang utak ko. I think a lot. The cue was there, and I was sure about it. It was a deal to be taken, a good offer from the banker, mala ganon. But I didn’t go for it. Inilaban ko pa. Before it shut down it asked me to save. And I did. Tsk.

Now I’m unsure if I really was sure that it was the cue. (Baka the fact that I knew that it was it makes it not what I thought it was) Pero I was dead sure noong mga panahon na yon.

I always make the wrong decisions… the bad choices… the corners turned, but no use backtracking around.

That’s another entry.

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Quotable Coats

October 18th, 2006 by kwentongbayan

"Poootaangiiiina!" (Nagcrash ang Premiere at di pa nakapagsave)

"Ayun lang!" (May na-achieve sa Aftereffects, pero crash ang kapalit)

"Can I die? Can I die now? Pengeng blade!" (Late na sa deadline sa kliyente)

"Tao lang po ako. Hindi Diyos." (Sa mga humihingi ng milagro)

"Wow attorney! Pareho tayong mahilig sa ukay!" (Sa kliyenteng nagmamaganda pero pangNepa Q Mart ang ugali’t pananamit)

"Uh!" (May kasamang Korean facial expression, kapag di mangyari ang gustong mangyari.)

"Sige na…fleas…" (Nakikiusap sa ayaw makisamang computer)

""a naman o! Ano ba problema mo?" (Kapag hindi madaan sa pakiusap ang computer)

"Ok po…Ok po…Ok po…Ok po…" (Sa kliyenteng ayaw na lang patulan)

"Bobo ka ba?!" (Bouncing back na tanong, kase obviously, bobo yung tinatanong)

"Gustuhin ko mang mamatay, hindi pwede. At kung mamatay man ako, madaming bubuhay sa kin." (Sagot sa tanong na ‘buhay ka pa ba?)

"Sabihin mo maghintay sya!" (Sa superior na nginangarag ang nag-iisang editor ng kumpanya)

"Talaga…" (Pretending to be interested)

"Ang panget! Chaka! Tangina naman o!" (Sa mga panget na shots)

"Ako na po ang bahala sa post…" (Kapag ayaw magpatake two ni direk)

"Lord!!! Help me please…" (Desperasyon)

"I’m so great." (Successful ang troubleshooting)

"Magpakamatay na lang tayong lahat!" (Nandamay pa ng iba…)

"I don’t trust human kindness." (Nagmamakacynical)

"Wag ka na! Epal…" (Sa mga taong…well…nag-eepal)

"Matagal ko nang sinabi yan di ba?!" (Sa mga pasaway)

"Ako lang ang puede. Boss ako eh!" (Double standards)

"I have to. Kung hindi, lalo akong madedepress." (Sa advice na "don’t work too hard")

"Patay na siguro yon…" (Sa napabayaang pet sa bahay)

"Eh sakin din naman babagsak lahat ng yan eh!" (Sa pag-ako ng mga pinabayaang responsibilidad)

"Hindi ko na dapat pinoproblema yan…" (Sa pagtanggi sa pinaaakong responsibilidad)

"Depressed ako. Pengeng 500!" (Pera lang ang katapat)

"Isa lang ang katapat nito. Kombinasyon ng kape, red bull, lipovitan, extra joss, enervon, revicon at centrum." (Facing a Herculean task)

"Lagi na lang silang mali…puro ako na lang ang magaling…lagi na lang ako ang tama…shet…I’m so great." (Eh totoo naman eh. Haha!)

*Salamat kay Dada for the imspirazion.

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Angst mula kay Dada

October 18th, 2006 by kwentongbayan

Posted in Uncategorized | | | 4 Comments

Gusto kong maging bata muli

October 10th, 2006 by kwentongbayan

Sobrang senti lang at nostalgic ang mood ko lately, siguro dahil sa hindi mapigilang Christmas chill (it arrived early for me now), and Christmas songs do not help to make the season bright. When you’re stuck at work, surrounded by unfriendly circumstances, and uncertain future (aka December funding) just around the corner, there’s probably not a thing to save you from the misery. Well, except maybe for someone to invest in and save a looming business.

Minsan tuloy sa frustration, I end up doing what most OFWs do in times of desperation. Call home. Like last Sunday, nakaubos ako ng isang buong load just talking to my nanay. There’s such comfort in it. Yet, more frustrations. Gusto kong maglabas ng mga sama ng loob at hinaing ko ng buhay sa kanya, but I didn’t, not wanting to be a burden to her (one thing na pinagmamalaki niya sa probinsya eh after graduation, never na ako nanghingi ng support from them). Im trying to live up to the A+s marked under the "independence" column sa aking gradeschool report cards.

Ayoko din syang mag-alala. I know that making her feel na I’m doing fine and nothing’s the matter when I’m far away home will give her better sleep at night. I wanted to unload, but on the contrary, mas nadagdagan ang aking pag-kalungkot. Growing up in a non-expressive family, I sometimes find it hard to let out my real sentiments.

Easier siguro kung bata pa ako. Hindi naman ako iyakin o sumbungero nung bata pa ako. Pero kapag may nambubully sa akin sa school, o kaya sa church, I make it a point na magsumbong sa nanay ko. With matching ngawa-ngawa pa. Thinking na she’d be able to do something about it (like baka pwede nyang ipaprincipal’s office yung nang-aaway sa akin, being a teacher at our school). Or pandilatan man lang nya yung batang yon. Yun kase ang signature move na nanay ko sa mga estudyanteng pasaway. Hehe.

Or kung masama siguro pakiramdam ko, magsasakit-sakitan na lang ako, and there’d be my nanay to get me my medicine, bring dinner to me (i’m imagining lying on our papag in front of the TV, kung san lagi nakastation ang mga nagkakasakit sa bahay), not make me do my errands, and always check for my temperature.

And knowing that i’d be up for a scholastic battle the next day, my nanay would massage my feet, with much attention on particular pressure points. (She learned from a reflexologist that certain parts of the foot are connected to the brain.) She’d be confident that I’d do good with my brain stimulated by that massage. Or to me, I know I’d do good because that foot massage sent me to a good night’s sleep.

But my nanay is not all that nice. She can be cranky at times. Or most of the time. Naalala ko when I first joined a quiz competition (Nutrition Quiz Bee pa nga yon, I was in Grade 2 and I competed with my cousin Risa). Bago mag competition, I ran around playing with my cousin. Suma total, natalo ako at ang nagchampion ay si Risa. Galit na galit sa akin ang nanay ko. She insisted that I lost focus because I consumed my energy with play. Mga two weeks yata akong nag-iiiyak noon, dahil mga two weeks din sa aking pinamukha ng nanay ko na natalo ako. Instead of cheering me up, "okay lang yan anak, don’t feel bad, may next time pa naman".

That somehow, became a motivation. I’ll never lose again. And I never did. Grade 3 to Grade 6 straight, I bagged the championship for that particular quiz bee. And many others pa. (Naks, nakayabang. Hehe.)

Ngayon, kung magsumbong kaya ako sa nanay ko, that I feel the world is bullying me, that everyone’s unfriendly, na may taong nananakit sa akin (at di niya alam yon. Ahaha), that I feel like giving up and losing the battle, and just want to run around freely, ano kayang sasabihin nya?

I just miss the perks of being a child. I wish complicated things can be untangled by a simple foot massage.

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Toxic

October 10th, 2006 by kwentongbayan

Me (to work): I’m addicted to you, don’t you know that you’re toxic.

Hanlabo!

Yun lang. Baw.

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Bagong Anthem

October 3rd, 2006 by kwentongbayan

Funny what effect a new song can have on you. Nagasgas ko na ang Hope Alone. Eto na ang bago. Oo, by Up Dharma Down. Nadagdagan na ang alam kong kanta nila, bukod sa Uy! Ay!. Ahaha. Thanks (or no thanks) to Checheboo. =D

‘Di mo lang alam
Naiiisip kita
Baka sakali lang maisip mo ako
‘Di mo lang alam
Hanggang sa gabi inaasam makita kang muli

Nagtapos ang lahat sa di inaasahang pahanon
At ngayon ako ay iyong iniwan
Luhaan, sugatan, ‘di mapakinabangan
Sana nagtanong ka lang
Kung ‘di mo lang alam
Sana’y nagtanong ka lang
Kung ‘di mo lang alam

Ako’y iyong nasaktan
Baka sakali lang maisip mo naman
Hindi mo lang alam
Kay tagal na panahon
Ako’y nandirito pa rin hanggang ngayon para sa’yo

Lumipas mga araw na ubod ng saya
‘Di pa rin nagbabago ang aking pagsinta
Kung ako’y nagkasala patawad na sana
Puso kong pagal ngayon lang nagmahal

‘Di mo lang alam
Ako’y iyong nasaktan
Baka sakali lang maisip mo naman
Puro s’ya na lang
Sana’y ako naman
‘Di mo lang alam
Ika’y minamasdan
Sana’y iyong mamalayang hindi mo lang pala alam

‘Di mo lang alam
Kahit tayo’y magkaibigan lang
Nagbabalik ang lahat sa tuwing nagkukulitan
Baka sakali lang maisip mo naman
Ako’y nandito lang
Hindi mo lang alam
Matalino ka naman

Kung ikaw at ako
Ay tunay na bigo sa laro na ito
Ay dapat bang sumuko
Sana hindi ka lang pala aking nakilala
Kung alam ko lang ako’y masasaktan ng ganito
Sana’y nakinig na lang ako sa nanay ko

‘Di mo lang alam
Ako’y iyong nasaktan
Baka sakali lang maisip mo naman
Puro s’ya na lang
Sana’y ako naman
Isang kindat man lang
‘Di mo lang alam
O, ika’y minamasdan
Sana iyo’y mamalayang di mo lang pala alam
Oooooooo

Malas mo
Ikaw ang natipuhan ko
Di mo lang alam
Ako’y iyong nasaktan

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